


tell him

by luns



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Freeform, M/M, one-sided
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-23
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-11-17 14:32:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11277231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luns/pseuds/luns
Summary: That was actually his biggest fear, they lived under the same roof, the last thing he needed was to make it weird.





	tell him

Minhyuk would never say it was love at first sight, because he never believed “love” was something you could feel just by laying your eyes on someone. But he knew he was attracted to Hyungwon the moment they shook hands and he felt something tugging on his chest, making him hold his breath and smile brighter than he had when he shook hands with the other trainees.  
He had never been good at hiding things, which made his crush become something so obvious he had to go through his day flipping Hoseok off whenever he caught him smiling and giggling because Minhyuk was hanging off Hyungwon's arms like a baby koala.

He was one of the few who knew.

Hoseok was the safe person to come out to, he was as open as a trainee could be about his preferences, the non-judging person out of the group, the one you could call in the middle of the night to share your fears and problems. Hoseok would listen and try to give you the best advice he found fitting for the situation. That's the reason why he didn't seem surprised or shocked when Minhyuk, in between bites of binsu in a small place downtown, confessed he had been developing feelings for Hyungwon. He actually seemed happy Minhyuk trusted him enough to let him know something like that, and during their talk even encouraged him to confess.

But Minhyuk didn't intend to.

They were too focused on working hard to, maybe, debut soon, and feelings would only get in the way. Plus, Hyungwon didn't seem like the kind that was looking for romance, always focused on perfecting his skills. Even after No.Mercy, even after getting chosen, he was always around but somehow distant. Minhyuk could never get too close, never had the chance to know too much, Hyungwon was always that mysterious person you could only get small pieces of information that would never fit together, never giving you the chance to form the whole picture.

That didn't make Minhyuk fall for him less.

By the time they were filming All In he was already head over heels for his group mate, and the knowledge that they had a bathtub scene together was not only nerve wrecking, but he knew this was the one and only time he would ever have the chance to be this close to him. Hoseok joked around them throughout the filming, making him blush when he shouldn't, and stutter when apparently there was no need. Hyungwon was chill, fine and tranquil all the time, because for him it was nothing. They were supposed to look like a couple in the video, no big deal. The bathtub scene came and went, and at night when Minhyuk laid down to sleep he could still feel Hyungwon's hand in his.

It would've been easier if he had fallen for Hoseok.

They were the queer duo in the group, and coming out to the others was easy and comfortable, no judgments, some even rolled their eyes and joked they all knew already. Nothing really changed after that, they still talked about girls they fancied, and Minhyuk and Hoseok would mention boys they thought were hot, and it couldn't be a better environment. Except, Minhyuk would catch Hyungwon staring now and then with a look he couldn't quite define.

It hurt, sometimes.

Because he would never know if he was being too much, or if Hyungwon was checking him out, even though he never mentioned liking boys. Hoseok said he should confess, because at least he would get this thing off his chest, that his happiness chance was of fifty percent, and the rejection porcentation was the same, he was wasting his time and all that.  
But he waited, they had an álbum to record, a new MV, shows, and so many things scheduled he couldn't find the time to sit Hyungwon down and pour his heart out. Also, he was kind of postponing it because he was scared he would lose his friend in the process.

That was actually his biggest fear, they lived under the same roof, the last thing he needed was to make it weird.

But then the time came, didn't it? They had a couple days to breath before they released a repackage, a MV, and hopped on a plane for their first world tour. They wouldn't have time after that, and things would only get more and more hectic as days went by. In the blink of an eye they would be composing again, and shooting again and who knows when things would slow down. Spring was on its peak, and the nights didn't feel so cold anymore, with flowers blooming and peole filling the streets and little cafes all around town, like the one they shared a very sweet dutch pie, and had iced americanos on their way home. The thing about them was that silence was always comfortable, starting a conversation, specially a serious one, seemed as if something was breaking. But Minhyuk didn't have to, because it was Hyungwon who sat down on a bench near some cherry blossoms, watching bikers pass by as he mixed the content in his cup absent mindedly.

“I know.” He said. “You don't have to say anything, Minhyuk, because I know.”

It felt like ice was moving inside him, his breath caught on his lungs and his eyes finding it very interesting to watch the light pink petals falling and hitting the pavement. He didn't say anything, because he didn't have to, Hyungwon wasn't done.

“And I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I tried, you know, to feel attraction to boys, to you specially. You have this great personality, and this aura, and it's like people are moth when you're the light, and they're all attracted to you, by your light. And I love you, I really do, but not like you wish me to.” He says everything as if he's confessing a crime, like he's guilty for something he isn't. “I wish I liked boys, because you're perfect, and it would be great to be in love with you, but I'm not, and I'm sorry.”

And it's not something easy to hear, it hurts but it's not like Minhyuk was caught by surprise.

He just smiles around the straw between his lips, not looking at Hyungwon's face, not because he's mad or anything, but because he doesn't want to break down and make him feel worse, só he just giggles and bumps his head on his shoulder.

“Aren't you conceited, Mr. Chae?” 

Hyungwon lets out a very loud breath he was probably holding all this time.

“Am I wrong?”

“You're not.” Minhyuk says. “But don't worry. Some things are not meant to be, and I'm glad we're friends and can be honest about it. I'll be fine, I promise.”

“Promise?” Hyungwon asks, Minhyuk can feel eyes on him, he nods, reaching down to pick up a petal.

“Yeah, I promise.”

So he backs off.

He doesn't touch Hyungwon that often, and he tries to focus on things that really matter, like taking selfies for the fans, and being funny around the others. He's the mood maker, he can't let that affect him. And he watches as Hyungwon gives him space, and gets closer to Changkyun who eyes him suspiciously before he asks if something's wrong and listens to Minhyuk all night inside a closet in a Hotel in America.

Hoseok tries to cheer him up, and he acts like the link between Hyungwon and Minhyuk, the glue holding their friendship together.  
And Minhyuk tries, he really tries to get over it, to shut down his feelings, to move on, but it's hard. Some days harder than others, and some easier.

Sometimes he wakes up thinking the mourning is finally over, but then he sees Hyungwon come out the bathroom with wet hair and looking so handsome his heart leaps on his chest and he accepts that maybe he's cursed forever, and that this will never go away.

Things start to subdue months later, or maybe he just got used to the feeling, but his focus changes entirely when Hoseok and Jooheon sit one on each side of him, suspiciously syncronized. Hoseok turns the TV volume down a little and gets Minhyuk's phone out of his hand, while Jooheon throws a hand over his shoulder.

“Hyung, do you remember that friend of mine, Jackson?”

“Yeah...?” Minhyuk frowns, trying to get his phone off Hoseok's hand while the other laughs.

“A bird just told me he thinks you're adorable, and he's free tonight. You must be ready by nine, alright?” Jooheon blurts out and Hoseok chuckles.

Minhyuk feels like telling them this won't work, that his heart is forever taken, but. But the look Hoseok throws him, and the way Jooheon's fingers tangle in his hair give the message he needs to hear: enough. He can't live like this, he can't go on hurting for something that is no one's fault, he needs to move on.

When the clock hits nine, the doorbell rings and Minhyuk is ready.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, I guess?


End file.
